Falling in love is the easy part, it’s keeping the spark alive that’s the hard part and injecting some new life into your relationship could be just what you need.
The reality is that relationships are a series of ups and downs, and sometimes, they are downright confusing. Before you throw in the towel, remember why you started. If you’re going through a rough patch in your relationship, try these things to help bring it back to life.
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It’s might be hard to keep a positive spirit when you feel like your relationship is falling apart, but take the time to really focus on what’s right. Focus on the things you love, the stuff that’s going well and the good times you’ve had together.
When you’re discussing your relationship, highlight the good stuff and minimise the bad, you’ll both feel a lot better about the situation. When you’re looking for the bad, the chances are the more of it will show up.
If you focus on the good things, you’ll appreciate them all the more.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t deal with pressing issues or forget the problems at hand; it just means that you change the conversation to one that’s empowering to the relationship.
Let go of your anger and annoyance about small things that irritate you. It won’t be easy, but every moment you hold on to poisonous feelings is another moment that will steal your chance to be happy with the person you love.
Be a little more thoughtful
It's easy to get into a routine with your partner and forget to show them how much you appreciate them. It might be time to put a little more consideration into the relationship and show them a little more attentiveness. Show them you've got their back in small ways, and maybe take the time to cook them their favourite meal, or take them to their favourite spot.
Be more present
When you're busy you can be hard pressed to give something your full attention, and that often includes your partner too. Whether you rush conversations or are looking at your phone while you talk, these can all have a negative and lasting impact. Be more present when you're talking to your partner, and encourage discussions more rather than just one-sided conversations. Put your phones away for a few hours a week and really give them your full attention.
Touch each other more
Now we’re not just talking about sex here, necessarily. But remember when you first met and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? This could be holding hands, hugging, rubbing each other’s shoulders, play footsie under the table, stroking their arm, kissing regularly, everything counts.
If your sexual encounters have gotten few and far between, prioritise some time together – you didn’t sign up for a roommate, this is what sets your ‘love life’ apart from your ‘life’.
Do something unexpected
It’s easy to go along with your routine, but occasionally we need to break the patterns of daily life. Read a book together instead of watching the TV, enjoy a surprise date, eat your dinner al fresco, think outside of the ‘normal’ box and do something a little different.
Pay attention to your present partner
Take a moment to really think about the things you love about your partner, all the reasons you fell for them in the beginning. If you pay attention to your partner in the present moment, you might be surprised by how badly a picture you’ve been painting in your mind. It's easy to get caught up in the things that annoy you, but focus more on the good things, they are there, they're just tainted by annoying traits that seem bigger than they are.
Go on an adventure
Take risks. Do something fun. Do something scary. Try something new together. Think outside the box and take the relationship to a whole new level.
Try skydiving, bungee jumping, or take trapeze or surfing lessons together. Infuse fun and adventure back into the relationship. These moments will be sacred and last forever. The thrill, the adrenaline, the rush of doing something out of the ordinary can bring more life into a relationship than you can imagine.
If you want to salvage your relationship, you have to be willing to do the hard work, self-reflect, and then take action to balance your partner’s needs with your own. When things start to slide back, always remember to bring out your best self and treat your partner respectfully.
Relationships are meant for growth, not comfort, and even if you try all of these tips, it still may not work. The beauty of it all is that you are preparing for the best relationship of your life, whether it be with your current partner or a future one.
Talk about the future
It can be easy to just sail along when things are going good, even if you've hit all of the goals you want, a house, a marriage, kids. It's important to still set small goals that you can both work towards, whether it's planning a new trip, a new hobby, or a new home.